a sad time

so im thinking i really like this font. im also thinking that i dont really care about capitalization and some punctuation. im also thinking that my life does not really matter. i mean think about it. what am i really going to do to affect the world? please. i mean fat, ugly, lazy, untalented girls dont really have a reputation for amazing achievement. but whatever. that's not what i was really thinking about today.

wow i just read xckd for like a half an hour.

anyway. today bobby and patrick walked me home from work and bobby starts going on and on about the 'niggers' i work with and how worthless they are and that he doesn't want me to walk home in the dark alone because of the black people in my neighborhood (who are all very nice and friendly). patrick speaks up and says how one of the black kids in our neighborhood named Aamir was very nice and spoke quite intelligently. bobby then went on to complain about his name. i just dont understand his arrogance. i mean, i know the way he was raised has a lot to do with it but that excuse only works to an extent. it comes to a point where you decide what you believe and what you think and what you feel. i cant believe that he judges people like that. by the color of their skin or by their heritage. Aamir is clearly an african-esque name right? i mean granted, my one black friend at work is on house arrest, but that doesnt mean that he isnt nice to me right? i mean... i know he's not the best person around but.. that doesnt just deem him a fucking nigger right? i just dont understand how much of an asshole he is. all he cares about is his family, closest friends, me, and himself. he could care less if every other person just fell off the face of the earth. he always says how i think everybody is my friend and that i should stop being so accepting of people. oh yeah thats right! then bobby starts to complain about how my dad talked to him about messing around with me at cornerstone today and how awkward it was and how stupid and fucking annoying my dad was for talking to him about that. how dare he! GOD. i dont know. i just really needed to rant to somebody/somespace. so thanks for being there.

on another note, im leaving for cornerstone on monday. thank god. i really need cornerstone right now. i need jess and rocky. i know ill be glad to have bobby there too but.. i dont know. i love him so much. i really need to straighten out my confusion about religion/morals. its really been eating away at me.

and now i think i just stumbled across dan's daughter's myspace and im liking her project playlist and its making me happy. damnit. just as i was on a raging rant. now i cant even pretend that bobby made me sad when he calls. DAMNIT. oh well i guess. ill just have to rant later. about something else. okay. thats it for now i guess.